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I haven’t blogged in so long. I looked at my last post and not a lot has changed since then. But even though not much has change, i feel so different than i did 6 months ago. Last night at church jenn talk reminisced about her life. Which of course got my mind on that same track i feel like ever since it was brought up i have not been able to drop those feelings. I feel funky. It is a feeling i haven’t felt before. She also talked about what are things that she has lost over the years in relationship with God. I had a conversation last night with someone that made me realize something about myself.
I am a tell it all person. I rely on my brutal honesty and bluntness to make me who I am. That being said, i have really been trying to hold my tounge lately when it comes to people. I always feel the need to be the person who holds everyone accountable. But i have noticed a change in myself. And right now i dont like it. I have held back so much from what i feel like i should have said that i feel like i am about to explode and i dont know how to deal with it anymore. These are a few examples of things i wish i could have said to people
-you’re an idiot
-you don’t have a job because you have only applied to two places
-it bothers me that you aren’t going to Guatemala with every one in march. A lot.
-i miss you
-sorry i am not as excited as you.
-thank you
- i love you
-I wish i didnt like the you that did drugs more than the one who didn’t.
Just a few examples. So much more. I feel a little better that I at least
