I have been pondering the thought of enabling a lot lately.
Pastor John talked about it a couple of weeks ago at church, I wasn’t there to hear it but I listened to the podcast. It was great to here. There was apart in it that he kind of gave an “are you an enabler?” quiz. I am not. Definitely not. And that got me thinking.
I know for sure that I am not an enabler in the sense that I let people makes there mistakes over and over again and then come running back for help. Because I most definitely don’t do that.
I am the extreme opposite. I just try not to let people make mistakes at all by making their decisions for them.
So after seeing that in myself. I came to the conclusion and accepted the fact that I, Jamie Stewart, am an enabler. Just not the normal kind…
So on to other things…
This Christmas break has got to be the weirdest feeling in the world. Because I was barely in school in the first place, and now tat it is out I still am working full time…so it doesn’t feel like a break to me. I am okay with that though, this is just the way things will be for me at this time in my life. Hopefully not forever, but I guess we will see.
Christin is off in other countries right now. She sent us a Christmas package back, it has some pretty sweet stuff in it, I had to get the journal she sent back so I had to open it! The journal is just awesome. It is crazy to hear about how things are in a different place. It is sad though, reading her handwriting and looking at her beautiful pictures…I miss her and can’t wait until she comes back.
So on a better note!!!
LOST STARTS IN 35 DAYS!!!!!!
I am so excited. I hate that I can’t watch it with Chrissy…but I am still SO excited.
I can’t wait to see all my friends that are home from college. Ha ha. Friends.
Peace & Love
YAY!
I really like the new WordPress layout.
I know I shouldn’t worry because I can’t fix anything, but I am worried about the economy.
I think I am going to get fired. I know I can handle it if I did, but it is just so scary to think that I might not have money for Kenya.
No matter what I will go. I have to. It is one my one goal that I find achievable. And I will reach it.
Nothing has been said about me getting fired, no one has hinted, I just feel it coming. Not because I am a bad worker, just because their is simply no money.
I am a planner. So if I do get fired I already have a list possible work places in my head. Possible jobs that I might go after.
I wouldn’t mind working at a bank. Because it is similar to what I do now. I just get to see people.
I am dying to see people.
I don’t work well not getting to talk to people, I just get grumpy, tired, and bored.
Maybe a waitress? Or a bartender! That would be a fun job, but I don’t think I would be good at it.
Maybe I should just travel with the carnival.
Nooooo…too many creepy guys to watch out for.
I will figure something out I suppose, if it is even needed. Maybe I will just get another job, for fun.
Like Ghengis Grill. I like the people that work there, and I like black shirts.
I don’t want to wok in Rivergate. Period. Sorry no Joanns.
What Am I Doing??? Nothing has even happened yet. I just need to breathe.
TAKE A DEEP BREATH
Peace & Love
the other crew
Old best friend
the family that put me up for adoption
Awkwardness
Awesomeness!
The crew
the original crew
I have been thinking about the “good ole days” lately, and it has brought some old memories to the surface…I have watched old videos, looked at old pics, and read old journals. I am now beginning to realize how awesome things were.
But they just keep getting better!
the end.
O brief update. I think I have finally decided to go to both Kenya and Guatemala this year. Money is going to be hard to get, but I can do it. Wow. I am so excited.
O and college is dumb. I don’t think I will finish…we’ll see
Peace & Love
Jamie Lea
Filed under: Random thoughts
So I have come to realization that so far my life has just been a process of waiting. Let me explain.
When I was one and started walking, I was waiting to be able to run.
When I was two, and was running I was waiting to ride a bike.
When I was five and riding a bike, I was waiting till I was ready to be able to ride it with no training wheels.
When I was 6 and dominated the bike with no help, I was ready to learn bigger and better things.
When I started school and learned bigger and better things I wanted a job.
When I was seven I wanted a job, so I waited for seven more years so I could work. ( Yes I wanted a job when I was seven)
When I was fourteen I got a job cleaning a daycare, it got old, so I waited till I was sixteen to get a real job.
When I was sixteen I got a “real” job, I pushed through there for two years waiting for a better job opportunity.
When I was eighteen I got that opportunity.
I waited for elementary school to be over.
I waited for middle school to be over.
I waited forever for high school to be over.
No I am in college, and I am once again waiting.
Waiting to be done. Waiting to go to Africa. Waiting to be what I was meant to be.
Waiting
But make the best with the time I have.
Filed under: Random thoughts
I have learned something about myself over the years. Unlike most people who start out with good intentions, and end up being corrupted by their own motivation and self interest. I think that I am backwards. I usually start doing something with the intentions of how it might help me look good, then through the process of helping others I learn the worth of the situation.
e.g. – If Jenn ask me to plan an event for the young adults, my first thought is, “okay, what message or worship can I make happen that will kick these lazios in the butt? and make it look like I plan good events?”
See what I mean?
It is true that through every situation like the one above, God has come and kicked my butt where I really need it, my pride.
I am so prideful.. somewhere along the way I learned that I control every situation. WRONG. I am learning. And through that learning process I have to come to realize that I am a cynical person. To tell you the truth though I didn’t even know what cynical really meant till just a while ago.
cynical |ˈsinikəl|adjective1 believing that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful ofhuman sincerity or integrity : her cynical attitude.• doubtful as to whether something will happen or whether it isworthwhile : most residents are cynical about efforts to clean mobsters out oftheir city.• contemptuous; mocking : he gave a cynical laugh.2 concerned only with one’s own interests and typically disregardingaccepted or appropriate standards in order to achieve them : Stalinhad struck a cynical deal with Hitler.
As much as I hate to say it. That is me. I am working on it! Bu I do believe that pride and arrogance are some of the hardest things to fix about yourself. Because know on can see my heart. And I basically keep all my feelings on the inside.
So I will end with this.
“it is better to curse the darkness than to light your hair on fire” (it isn’t supposed to make since, either is life)
Peace & Love
Filed under: Random thoughts
I always tend to think that I am a very different person. Lately though I have begun to take on a different perception of myself, and I can’t say that I like it.
1 Peter 2: 11-12
11Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. 12Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.
I have read this verse many times before, done a devotional on it, and always encourage others to take on the challenge to be different. I think that it is time for me to realize that I am not fully taking on the challenge myself, and that is just unacceptable. I have a tattoo that says “be the change” and if I had an abnormally large wrist it would finish out by saying “be the change you want to see in the world.” I have it as just a small reminder to myself to be different, take a step up and change the things that I don’t see as fitting to the world around me. I guess deep down I kind of hoped that when I got the tat that I would magically become the person I know God wants me to be, but, it didn’t. So now here in my bedroom, with no influence of others, I am fully taking on the challenge to “be the change.” I mean if Ghandi thought I could do it, I know I can. And it should probably be ten times easier because I have something Ghandi didn’t have. Jesus.
Peace & Love
Filed under: Random thoughts
It has been an AMAZING Christmas break. I have got to spend time with so many people that I normally am never around and I believe they all have effected me in some way or another. Which is great, because I love when I am just expecting to have fun and I find some new realization through a situation. I went to a youth convention called Extreme Winter, it was okay. Yeah, just okay. The trip was amazing though. I think the reason it was so amazing is because I got to connect with people I don’t usually hang out with. We got deep. You know those conversations that seem like you could just keep talking forever about anything? Well a group of us on the trip had one of those. It was enlightening. We all kind of confessed our problems, struggles, fears. All the things that would normally make things feel awkward but for some reason it just felt right. Those kind of conversations I now believe are a gift from God. Really. My youth minister was talking to me about how nothing is coincidental, that everything happens for a reason. Which is cool if you think about it, because it helps me to be much more thankful for every situation I am in. Even a crappy situation. That brings me to my next thought. New year goals. I have them every year, just the norm. This year though I feel more like my goals are attainable. 1) I want to appreciate every moment as a gift from God. I know that sounds cheesy. But I mean it. God has put every person (annoying or not) in my life for a reason. So I want to learn to just . listen. That sounds simple but not for girl like me! I like to talk. A lot. I want to listen better. All the time. Because if you think about it, any word being spoken could be from God, and I don’t want to miss out on that! 2) Be honest. ( I know what you are thinking…Jamie be honest, you already are, brutally sometimes) But I don’t mean it that way. What I mean by be honest is tell people I appreciate them. Tell someone they are beautiful. Tell my friends I love them, cause I do. Even if I feel like cheesy ole’ Mark Lancaster! I want people to know I think they are awesome. 3) BE POSITIVE. period. 4) Pray more. I never really believed in the power of prayer until I started going to Northeast Church. I want to rely fully on God. Because I have come to the realization that I cant fix my problems or anyone Else’s alone. ever.
My over all goal is just to “be the change I want to see in the world”
The last thing that has really been hitting home with me is the phrase “what is the wise thing to do, right now?” Of course just like every senior I have my future in my thoughts all the time. But the thing that has just hit me is I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY FUTURE. ha-ha. that simple. so from now on I am going to make decisions based upon the now. Cause who knows what will happen tomorrow? O yea, God.
Peace & Love
